No Sleep....No Problem!!!

Where have I been you ask? Well, maybe I have been just too tired to write, or too mad, or too frustrated, or even sad at times. The truth of the matter I have had no desire! However, it is 1:00 am on Friday morning and I could not sleep due to a little diversion that sleeps in my closet (or should I say doesnt sleep). Tonight I feel the need to write to keep myself from wanting to cry all night. What cry? Me? Yes, even I can be brought to tears given the right sucky circumstances. You see I have been battling it out with my sweet Baby "L" because he doesnt seem to want to sleep at night. I have tried just about everything and now I have resorted to letting him cry it out (or should I say scream it out). Still to no avail he doesnt want to sleep. Whats worse is that I am ready to bite the head off of anyone who treats him as if he is a devil child! Please dont be so quick to forget that this is the baby that I held in my arms alone as doctors told me they thought he had a deadly bacteria in his blood. That Im the one who held him down as they tried to do a spinal tap THREE times!!! as he looked at me in horror and I could do nothing to help him! Yes, I have created this baby to be dependent on me to make it through the night. So what!!! He's my baby, and my heart is attached in so many ways! I cant listen to him cry out to be held and ignore him. He is only going to be a baby a little while longer, I dont think a little sleep deprivation ever hurt anyone. A day will come when he may no longer need me and I will yearn to be back in that rocker holding him and wiping away any fears or pains that he is having. A day will come when I wont be able to fix things for him by singing in his ear as he makes that off tone hum back to me. Until then, I will do everything in my power to ease him back to sleep and will cherish his sweet baby breath on my neck. He is one of my 7 beautiful gifts from God. Thank you Lord for all my amazing children who teach me everyday to love in the deepest and live in amazing grace. They are all truly miracles from You!!!